I can't help myself. I can't resist the strident shrieks, the insane tantrums, the out right kookiness of today's Monster of the Day, Bridezilla!
Don't these ladies, (hahahahah..ladies), know that long after the taping is finished, that all of their behavior will not only be shown on television, but will also be in reruns, and available as DVDs?
There is something hypnotic about these skanks. If you don't believe me, look at the men who are bound and determined to marry them. What is the malfunction with these guys? Is this really the best they can do? Really? I mean REALLY REALLY?
REALLY REALLY REALLY?
Today's Monster of the Day is the Tuber Terror. This feisty little hybrid is quite the garden gremlin. Part potato, part carrot, and all attitude.
It wants to party in YOUR salad!
(whew...almost didn't make it. I was busy doing stuff and almost forgot..Anyhow, my son was the inspiration for today's Monster of the Day, the Substitute Teacher. This fearsome creature appears whenever your regular teacher is too sick or hung-over to come in to work.
Look at those fingers. Hard and bony, and sharp like knives. And she'll dig them into your neck when she catches you screwing around the pencil sharpener.
Don't forget her breath. This little lady likes black coffee and unfiltered Camels. but you'll find that out as she insists on talking to everyone, one on one, as she corrects your math homework.
And don't...)
What? Me? I didn't do anything. You want me to come up there? Oh man......
Olé! Today's Monster of the Day comes from South of the Border, down Mexico way, El Chupacabra!I always wondered if somewhere out there, there was also a goat Van Helsing to combat this blood-sucker.
So last night, I get an invite to a party. A real last minute sort of thing, around 9:30 pm.
What an exciting, all-nighter! Chills, sweating, nausea, not to mention the sort of throbbing headache that makes you think that Moby is spinning discs in your brain.
Just when I was about to go to sleep, this Party Dude said, " c'mon...you can't wuss out yet. Let's go another round. "
So, I give to you today's Monster of the Day, The Party Dude.
That feeling you get, that someone is watching you...well, that's this guy,Peeping Tom, not that stupid stack of money with the googly eyes on top.
Today's Monster of the Day is Monty. When you wake up, in the wee hours, and turn on the TV, and start to watch those infomercials, he's the guy that
whispers in your ear that you NEED that stupid blanket with the sleeves.
Or that shammy from the guy who isn't afraid to put a beat-down on a working girl.
Or the pill that EXTEEEEEEEEEEEENDS a certain part......
Anyhow, you buy it and wait patiently for it to arrive.
Take it out of the box, and then you realize that you are a dope.
But relax. It's not your fault. If Monty didn't have such a good line of patter,
you'd never fall for these commercials.
Do yourself a favor and just go back to sleep.
(Psssttt.....wake up! That cartoonist is getting a cup of coffee. Now grab that credit card and buy that Ab-Roller. Hurry up before he comes back...)
I can't help myself. I can't resist the strident shrieks, the insane tantrums, the out right kookiness of today's Monster of the Day, Bridezilla!
