I know I'm late. I was down for two days, but I'm back in full force. With one of the last two installments of the Monster of the Day.
Here we see the Dryer Doof.
This is the creature responsible for the sock that goes missing, or that pair of underwear that disappears. So, every now and then, you reach in the dryer, and discover that it's happened again. Dammit! Now you have to wear the socks that you had on yesterday. Or, if it's underwear that's been swiped. you now have to wear the pair with the hole in them. The pair with the beat-down elastic, that, if you are a guy, just won't give the boys a home they can stay in. That's right. Back and forth, getting pinched by the seam, just a bad day.
But you can feel good about one thing. As long as the Dryer Doof is eating the occasional pair of stockings or drawers, it won't be eating what it really craves...
BABIES !
( See...now don't you feel a little better? So what if the office thinks you are a champion at Pocket Pool).
Go on...eat that delicious soft-shell taco from the nice man pushing that cart on the street.Mmmmmm...yummy. There is a show on cable called " Monsters inside Me ", that is a real eye opener.One story was about a woman who ate a taco, and then a few months later had blinding headaches, numbness in her limbs, etc.The doctors found that she had a parasite in her brain, that had come from tacos she had eaten.Pork tacos.It seems this parasite, when inside a pig, lives happily inside the gut until that little piggy goes to the bathroom. Then he gets passed out, eaten by another pig, and this disgusting Circle of Life begins anew.But, when it is inside a human, well, things get really crazy. It seems that there aren't the chemical clues that keep it in the intestines, and it migrates...to the tasty BRAIN.Remember that delicious taco from the street vendor? Feel that little tickle behind your ear?That's right. You now have a little friend. Today's Monster of the Day...the Friendly Parasite!Have fun!
What a stupid monster. Today's Monster of the Day is Mothman. Maybe I should explain.When I was a kid, ( well, even now ),I read anything I could, ( can ), get my hands on. Many times I chose a book strictly by its cover. Most times when it had a Frank Frazetta cover, I was in for a great read, but not with the
" Mothman Prophecies ".
Look at this cover:
Looks exciting, doesn't it? I bought the book, jumped into it, and was terribly disappointed as only a fat kid in Minnesota, in the dead of winter can be.
I mean look at it. The Mothman is gonna get those people. Lay a beating on the guy, and maybe a little insect-lovin' on the chick.
But no....nothing like that in the story. Based on some "true" events, this book was a yawnfest filled with sightings of glowing eyes, men in black, blah blah blah.
So...today's Monster of the Day is phoning it in...the Mothman.
I can't help myself. I can't resist the strident shrieks, the insane tantrums, the out right kookiness of today's Monster of the Day, Bridezilla!
Don't these ladies, (hahahahah..ladies), know that long after the taping is finished, that all of their behavior will not only be shown on television, but will also be in reruns, and available as DVDs?
There is something hypnotic about these skanks. If you don't believe me, look at the men who are bound and determined to marry them. What is the malfunction with these guys? Is this really the best they can do? Really? I mean REALLY REALLY?
REALLY REALLY REALLY?
Today's Monster of the Day is the Tuber Terror. This feisty little hybrid is quite the garden gremlin. Part potato, part carrot, and all attitude.
It wants to party in YOUR salad!
(whew...almost didn't make it. I was busy doing stuff and almost forgot..Anyhow, my son was the inspiration for today's Monster of the Day, the Substitute Teacher. This fearsome creature appears whenever your regular teacher is too sick or hung-over to come in to work.
Look at those fingers. Hard and bony, and sharp like knives. And she'll dig them into your neck when she catches you screwing around the pencil sharpener.
Don't forget her breath. This little lady likes black coffee and unfiltered Camels. but you'll find that out as she insists on talking to everyone, one on one, as she corrects your math homework.
And don't...)
What? Me? I didn't do anything. You want me to come up there? Oh man......
Olé! Today's Monster of the Day comes from South of the Border, down Mexico way, El Chupacabra!I always wondered if somewhere out there, there was also a goat Van Helsing to combat this blood-sucker.
I know I'm late. I was down for two days, but I'm back in full force. With one of the last two installments of the Monster of the Day.
