Monday, October 12, 2009

Monster 12 : Twin Pines Lunatic




" Meatballs" is a favorite movie of mine. Maybe it's because I had learned all of my romantic techniques from the Bill Murray character. Maybe it's because of the clunky acting, or that bushel of hair on top of Christopher Makepeace's head. Or maybe, it's this scene from the movie that still cracks me up. Let's join the campers around their fire...
"I remember a night like this a few years ago. A guy and a girl went out driving.
It was one of their first dates.
It started out kind of casual, but they ended up deciding to go park.
Not too far from here, as a matter of fact.
They're going at it, listening to the radio.
All of a sudden, a news bulletin broke in:
'Dangerous lunatic has escaped... from the
hospital for
the criminally insane at Two Pines'."
"Oh, come on, Trip."
"They described him as a monster, six and a half feet tall,
280 pounds...
with one horrible,
distinguishing feature... a sharpened, stainless steel hook..."
"Oh, God."
"...Where his right hand used to be.
That was enough for the guy.
He slammed the car into gear,
floored it, bounced off a tree... didn't stop till they got
to the girl's house.
Got out of his side,
walked around to hers.
There, hanging in the door, covered with blood... was a stainless steel hook.
The strangest part is that after all these years...
after the biggest manhunt in Two Pines' history...
they never found the killer.
Some people say he's still
up here in the woods...
waiting for the chance to kill again.
And I say... I say they're right! "
Then, the classic wrap-up to this scene:
"That's a bullshit story."
"You guys, it's true. I heard it before."
"I heard it was on a beach."
"Yeah."
" I heard it happened in a park."
" I heard it, but the guy was missing a foot."
"How could the guy have a hook on his foot?"
So, today's monster, with Hook On Foot, is the Twin Pines Lunatic!

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